22T 10 | Relationship Decision

 

Are you in a crash-and-burn relationship? Full of passion one time and the next, you feel like they were going to destroy your life. Do you find yourself stuck in this loop, that no matter how many times you’ve dusted yourself off of it and rebuilt your life, you still find yourself in it? Maybe it’s time to reassess your relationship decisions and identify where it goes wrong. In this episode, Linda Sutton reveals the number one piece of information you absolutely must have before you make any relationship decisions. She guides you to see your blind spot when it comes to relationships, not only the intimate kind but also in your professional life. Follow along on today’s discussion as Linda helps you find the kind of relationship that will help you grow and flourish. 

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The Number One Piece of Information You Must Have To Make Any Important Relationship Decision 

Our role in our goal is to help you with all of your relationships, from your relationship with Godself intimate partnerfamily, community nature, and nations. I’m so excited to be tackling now the number one piece of information you absolutely must have before you make any relationship decisionsWe’re in a relationship showOur goal is to help you with all of your relationship types, from both personal and interpersonal to professional. This piece of information is essential for both of those personal and professional relationships but is critical for any personal relationship decisions that you make.  

Understand Your Purpose

The number one piece of information that you absolutely must have before making any of these relationship decisions is you must understand your purpose. You have got to understand and know your life purpose is before you make any relationship decisions, any critical relationship decisions. Any one of us that had been in more than one relationship, I’m sure you may be aware of this idea of what I call the crash and burns. Crash and burns are filled relationships that seem like when you got on the other side of them, you thought they were going to destroy your life. You may have started out in an interaction with someone, there was chemistrythere was connection, you seem to like them, they liked you, you seem to get along and had a lot of fun.  

After a period of time, things seem to go South or they seem to go to Hades in a Handbasket. All of a sudden before you know it, your heart is broken, your pillow is tear-stained, you were picking up the pieces of your life, you’re picking up the pieces of your trust. You are dusting yourself off to rebuild your life only for it to happen againYou may be at a point in your life where you’re so frustrated. You may be in a situation where you’re frustrated in relationships. You may be frustrated with the opposite sex. You may even be in a place where you’re ready to throw in the towel and relationships and have what one of my friends call fur-babies.  

You may have said“Forget it, my hands up, I don’t know. It’s not working out for me, so nevermind. I’m going to have my gallontimes and friendsgiving instead of Thanksgivings for the rest of my life. What have I told you that there’s a piece of information that you could have that would assist you in this? This insight was revealed to me during one particular meditation. I call them my meditations and my meditation as quickly turned into revelations. I was reflecting on my own past failed relationships, and having a come to Jesus’ moment, I was reflecting on my own relationships. I sat down and was in meditation and prayer about what was it that I was missing. In other words, I saw the patterns. I saw the different things that were occurring, the different patterns that I was seeing over and over again.  

If you do not know the purpose of a thing, you will abuse it. – African Proverb Click To Tweet

I realized that I had a blind spot when it was coming to certain relationships. I sat down in this space to journalwritereflectask of myself and ask when I pray meditation. What was the information that I was missing? What did I miss? What didn’t I see? What was a red flag? Where was the gap that allowed me to continue to make the same errors over and over again, or to make relationship errors or mistakes? What did I need to understand either about relationships, myself or both so that I could have successful relationships and make successful relationship choices and decisions? It was interesting because the response that came to me and came into my heart into my spirit is that I was making choices that were not aligned with my purpose.  

When that kind of revelation and realization came to me, I was light bulb went off. Why was this so surprising realization and revelation to me? It was because it dawned on me, this was unfolding in front of me, and inside of me, is that I was making relationship decisions based on what I had learned about relationships. Meaning that you fell in love and you were finding someone who was compatible. You’re looking for the one and you made a list of characteristics that you wanted and all these different things that are a part of the relationship processI was doing it from a place of something that was outside of me. In other words, these are the things that I had learned about how to pick a partner and how to choose the appropriate partner. 

What Is Purpose?

There was a piece of information that was missing, which is who am I, what am I here to do, what was I born to do, and what are the people, places, and things that are necessary for the fulfillment of that thing, which is my purpose? We can get into the trenches on this. Let’s start with purpose. When I say purpose, what do mean? It’s about the number one thing, the piece of critical information that I absolutely must have is I must understand my life purpose. What is purposepurpose is defined by the Oxford dictionary and you know by now that I’m all about going back to the source, going back to the definition of a thing to get insight. Purposeas defined in the Oxford dictionary, is the reason for which something is done or for which something exists. As a verb, purpose means to have as one’s intention or objective.  

Let me reframe that in a way that might even make more sense. One of my most favorite African proverbs, and it’s one of these proverbs that I live by on so many levels. The African proverb is, “If you do not know the purpose of a thing, you will abuse it. To me, the purpose is the understanding of why you were created, why you were born, what were you, what are you here to do. Whatever your faith, and whatever your belief, whether you say spirit or God, everything that is in creation in nature and beyond has a purpose. It has a thing for which a reason or for which it exists. It has a theme or function that it is to fulfill, or a thing that is to do. It has a thing that it does. Every person is here for a reason and they exist for a reason. There’s a reason, a purposeintention, and objective for their very existence. Every single person, every single place, and every single thing in creation, in nature has that thing. It is purpose. It is the reason for its existence. It was the reason that it was created.  

22T 10 | Relationship Decision

Relationship Decision: If you don’t understand the reason that you’re here, then you will attempt to function outside of that.

 

This is critical because when you understand that your life has a purpose, that there is a reason for your existence, there is something that you are to fulfillyou are to do and you are to be here in creation on this planet while you’re here, then that completely reframes and restructures your understanding of your life. Not just the thing that you are to do, but everything in it that exists. Everything that’s in your life that exists in your life becomes a part of that purpose. Once again, if you do not know the purpose of a thing, meaning if you don’t know the reason why it was created and if you don’t understand the reason that it exists, then you will abuse it. I’ll say it in another way. You will attempt to use it outside of its purpose.  

If you don’t understand, like if a hammer is a building tool and its purpose is to pound and remove nails for the purpose of building. You can use a hammer for a doorstop, but that is not the purpose of it. That wasn’t why it was created and that wasn’t the vision. When a hammer was envisioned, it was envisioned to pound and remove nails. That is the purpose of the hammer, as a building tool. Its function, it pounds, and it removes nails, so all of those things are inherent. You can use it for other things, but that was not what it was created to do.  

Therefore, it will not function optimally outside of its creative purpose and as we call it, the design, or as I like to call itthe divine design. If you do not know the purpose of a thing, you will abuse it. Equally with a person or yourself, if you don’t understand your purpose and if you don’t understand the reason that you’re here, then you will attempt to function outside of that. Just like with the hammer, even though you can use it as a force and as a doorstop, but it’s not operating in its function fully and optimally, when you are not operating in your purpose, then you will not function optimally as well. That is important.  

That’s my favorite African proverb I‘ve got to say. I have a statement that extends a step further when it comes to that proverb. That is because the purpose of a thing is unknown to you does not mean that it does not have one. That’s where I take it a step further because you don’t know a person’s purpose and you don’t know your own purpose. You see this plant here and you don’t know what the purpose of this plant is, just because you don’t know what it is, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have one.  

This is important because when we realize that everything has a purpose, whether or not we know it or understand it. Number one, we can seek what its purpose is. Whether it’s your purpose, whether it’s the purpose of another thing, whether it’s a purpose of a privileged person and the burden of thing, you can seek to understand what that purpose is. Even if you don’t understand the purpose of what its function is, you can still respect that it has one, even though it’s outside of your understanding or it’s outside of your awareness. You can then have respect for the fact that everything has a function and a purpose, and you can give it the space to operate in its purpose and/or function even if you don’t get it, even if you don’t understand and even it doesn’t make sense to you. That is important. 

Purpose Attracts What It Needs

The analogy that I want to use in terms of why I say purpose is the single most important piece of information that you absolutely must have before making a relationship decision is because purpose has inherent within it all of the things that are necessary to function or to fulfill it. Linda, what do you mean when you say that? What do you mean that purpose has within it everything that it needs to fulfill its function, or fulfill destiny, meaning the future events?” I liken purpose to a seed. A seed represents the fundamental form of a plant of some sort. Let’s say a mango tree because I like mangoes. A mango seed, even though when you see in seed form, it does not look like a fully maturedevelopedblooming, and producing mango tree. All of the information and everything neat in order for it to become that and become a mature, fruitbearing tree is within the seed. All of the information that is needed for you to fulfill your purpose when you came in as a baby, is within the seed of you.  

A mango seed is not that small. That’s more like a mustard seed. Mango seed is a little bit bigger. The husk on the mango seed looks a little more like inside of it, if you crack it openyou get to see the seed. When you look at it, the seed of the mango doesn’t look like the tree and it doesn’t even look like the fruit, but all the information that is needed to create that is there. All the information that is needed to become that is there. The seed not only has the information that it needs but when you put it in the ground, it also has the ability to attract all of the resources that it needs in order to unfold and become that thing. When you put a seed in the ground, the seed now has not only the information to become the mango tree, but now it has the ability to draw to it and absorb all of the nutrients and minerals that are needed in order for it to begin to grow and start to flourish.  

It knows how to turn itself and take its leaves towards the sunlight in order to receive what it needs to convert the sunlight into, through chlorophyll and into growing in that way. It knows how to take its roots to go find sources of water. It starts to unfold in a way where it starts to attract everything that it needs, water, nutrients from the soilsunlight, whatever air is required in order to support its growth unfoldment to become that mature fruitbearing tree that we know as a mango tree. Also, all the corresponding fruit, which has additional seeds in it. I love the ways the seeds have so much intelligence there. Not only does the seed have the ability to attract everything that it needs in order to growflourish, and to unfold to become the full manifestation of that, which is a mature mango tree/orchard, but also the seed has within it information that it needs to repel things that would come against or undermine its purpose or unfoldment.  

Another way for me, for example, with roses, roses have thorns on them. The thorns are protective mechanisms. As beautiful as roses are, I have them on the fence, it also has thorns on it and the thorns are to help protect it. It repels a certain type of animal or insect, or what have you, depending on the plant. It also has certain things that attract what it wants, like bees or butterflies, but it may have bristlesthorns, a prickly leaf, or an unpleasant smell that repels those insects or pests or things that it doesn’t want to bother it because those things might undermine its growth and development. Therefore, its ability to eventually fulfill its purpose and fully mature.  

Also, with the seed analogy, in that seed, it has not only the information in terms of what it needs to unfold into its full maturation. It has the information that lets it know what its seasons are. Every seed matures in a different timeframe. There’s a season for it to come into maturity, there’s a season for it to bear fruit, and there’s a season for it to produce not only fruit, the blossoms that create the fruit, but the fruit that also generates other seeds. Every seed has the information that’s related to the timing of when it comes into fullness or the timing for when it’s come into maturity. For some plants, their seasons are very short and the plant may mature very quickly. Other plants may take years and years before they become mature and begin to bear fruit. The timing of information as it relays the seasons is information that’s in the seed and it’s going to be different for each and every seed.  

Just because the purpose of a thing is unknown to you does not mean it does not have one. – Linda Sutton Click To Tweet

The final thing is that in terms of talking about this is that the seed also requires a certain type of environment that is fertile so that it can flourish. This environment consists of the soil, the surroundings, the conditions there’s a biome or a habitat, which is like the flora and fauna. There is a habitat that is optimal conditions for that seed to unfold and manifest into the fullness of what it is. I went through all of that information about the seed because the seed represents the purpose. You too have a purpose like a seed. The purpose is the information within you about why you exist, what you’re here to do. With that, like the seed is able to attract everything it needs for its growth and maturation for its unfoldment, to the maturation and fruitbearing, you too have the ability to attract all the people, places, and conditions that are necessary for you to fulfill your purpose. People, places, and circumstances are necessary to fulfill your purpose.  

Protecting Your Purpose

You can attract what you need, and that includes people. You can also have within you, things that repel the things that you don’t need. Anything, people, places, circumstances, and conditions that might undermine or derail the unfoldment of your purpose to maturation. As with the seed or a plant, you may still attract pests and organisms that will attempt to undermine your unfoldment or your maturation. It’s the same when pests and organisms may come towards a plant to try to undermine its unfoldment and maturation. However, there are things that are in place that can support the protection of that plant, whether it’s inherent like thorns or prickly leaves, or whether it’s in the environment where there may be certain insects that work in a symbiotic relationship with that plant. Those insects that are in the environment may not ever attack the plant, but any pest that might attempt to attack the plant that those insects or other types of animals or flora and fauna might protect it. It will be protective of it in that way because that particular insect might eat it.  

Therefore, the environment winds up being protective. It was so beautiful. As in terms of your purpose, there are fertile environments that will support the successful unfoldment and maturation of your purpose just like the seed. There are certain people, there are certain conditions, there are certain environments and there are certain things that you need around you and especially in terms of people that will support the unfoldment and maturation of your purpose. There are people that will undermine and derail your purpose. This is why it’s important that you understand what your purpose is. When you understand what your life purpose is, the reason that you exist, what it is here that you’re here to do, then you’re able to identify those people, places and things that will support the unfoldment and maturation of you and your purpose.  

You will also be able to identify those things that will derail, throw off, undermine and potentially destroy the fulfillment of your purpose. When you have purpose at the center of your relationship decisions, then those who are met and assigned or are meant to be in your life to help and assist with that unfoldment, those seasons, will be things that will be supportive of you. Those will be things that will nourish you, that will ensure that you get to the next stageseason and level of your maturation from seedling up to plant up to the tree, up to blossoming up to fruitbearing. The cycle goes all over again. You will also be able to see when there are people, places, and circumstances that seem to be getting you off track from what your life purpose is.  

You will know and start to pick up on like, “This person, place or thing doesn’t align with where I’m goingwhat I’m trying to do, and what I’m trying to accomplish. It might be fun. You might be having a good time, but the crash and burns happen because they’re not meant to be there. There’s no synergy. They’re not there to support the unfoldment of you into the next phase and beyond. If they’re not there to support it, then they are like a pest. They will destroy it. That’s important that you understand that. When you start looking at relationships, both personal and professional, through this lens, it’ll help you with your vetting process a lot faster, because as I said, people aren’t people who especially will come into your life, either support your life purpose in who you are. Not only who you are, but who you are in the process of becoming, or they’re going to undermine that process.  

I want to restate, again, the process of who you are becoming because in the seed, the seed understands that has the information, not only to become the mature version, but the seed also has information to become every version of that plant that leads up to the mature tree. This is important because those who are assigned or a part of the biome, the habitat, and the fertile environment for the unfoldment of you will not only be able to support who you are. They are also in the process of understanding that no matter where what state you are in, that their support is the support of the whole at any stage. At the end of the day, the information, even though the goal is there, every single stage along the way, the seed has the information. All of the different versions of you along the process to become the mature, fully manifest version of you and your purpose, the information is there. A person may not go with you through all of those versions and all of those seasons, but they will be in support of any one of those versions if they are aligned with your purpose.  

They may be assigned or supportive of you in your seedling stage, your seedling and sapling stage, but they may not be assigned or able to support you in your fully mature state. Once again, having an understanding of those things, those elements, will help you to begin to navigate your relationship decisions. The first thing that you have to understand is you have to know what your purpose is. You’re saying, Linda, that makes perfect sense. Once I know why God created me, once I know why I’m here on this planet and what I’m here to do, and the seed information is there and it’s unfolding in front of me. If I don’t already know what that is, how do I uncover that?  

There is a process that you can go through that will help you uncover that. As a child, the interesting thing is the line of children are closer and they have a real clear understanding of who they are and what they’re supposed to be when they grow up. Even if their parentsteachers, and adults around them might not get it. The reason why is because often time, your purpose is not necessarily for the moment that you’re born. Your purpose as a child is going to mature. Your purpose is for a time and a season for a world that does not yet exist. You do not yet exist. That world that you are purpose to step into as a fully mature adult, doesn’t exist as well.  

This is why children and parents disconnect when it comes to their purpose because they understand to have a sense of what their purpose is, but as for a time, that doesn’t exist. Parents don’t often because they may not be purpose thinking and may not always get that. There’s a process where you can go into those early stages, gifts, longings, stirrings, callings, thoughts, and visions of who you were going to be when you grew up. That is where you can begin to start to create your life purpose statement and through an evaluation of those childhood thoughts, dreams, visions, skillstalents, abilities, propensities, and your natural gifts.  

22T 10 | Relationship Decision

Relationship Decision: You, too, have the ability to attract all the people, places, and conditions that are necessary for you to fulfill your purpose.

 

Bringing all of that information together plus meditation and prayer time, all of those facets and aspects can come together to help you to get an understanding and a revelation of what your life purpose is. You can write your statement and use that to guide you in every major area of life, every major decision that you either make in your life. Especially when choosing those who to partner with, or walk alongside, or walk within your journey to purpose and destiny. This is something that I do a lot when I’m coaching individualscouples, and the work of Tango. It’s importanteven as you choose the type of partners that you want to dance with, that you have an understanding of youyour stylewhere you’re goingwhat you’re trying to do and what you’re trying to facilitate. You can be more discerning in who you’re choosing to dance with. For anyone interested in walking through that process because I walk so many people through that process, I finally decided to create a workbook and minicourse called How To Find Your Life Purpose in Seven Days.  

It‘s a free resource for a limited time. It’s called Find Your Life Purpose. If you go to the website on www.The22TangoShow.comon the homepage, you should see an icon that will allow you to access that workbook and that minicourse, and go through the seven-step process. You can craft your own life purpose statement so that you can have the most critical piece of information that you need in order to make discerning and wise relationship decisions. If you already have a sense of your purpose, but you want to clarify it and tweak it, and make it even more clear for this season in your life, because you may have different language or different understanding. It is for people that not only don’t have a life purpose statement but those who want to clarify and tweak it and refine the nuances of it.  

22T 10 | Relationship Decision

 

The reason that I bring that up is because as you become more and more masterful in your dance, the road to mastery moves from the bigger growth ideas to the nuancesthe fine and refined details that as you get closer and closer to mastery, the mastery is not in the big but is in the details. For those of you who are have been walking with a life purpose statement, as you move into another season, as you move into another phase of your life, you may want to go back. Revisit and refine that life purpose statement so that you can have those last little nuanced details that you will need and making the selections in the future. We have been discussing here the number one most critical piece of information that you absolutely must have before you make any relationship decisions. As we say in the show, it not only takes two to Tango, but absolutely, it takes you to Tango. Ciao. 

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