After reading a meme showing a dialogue between a young lady and a young gentleman, which encapsulated the common misconceptions about womanhood, Linda Sutton decided to discuss the issue in today’s episode. The divine design of woman, her biological makeup, is often misunderstood in this day and age. The misunderstanding creates a generation of sons and daughters who are not prepared for the next phase of their life, that is, raising a family. In this episode, Linda explains how a woman’s biology is wired to create and nurture a child and why this necessitates women to screen and question men who are interested in her. If you want to appreciate the woman’s divine design better and how it affects her approach to romantic relationships, then this episode is for you.
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The Basics Of The Divine Design Of Woman
In this episode, we’re going to be tackling the divine design of a woman, the basics. I have been known to have a rant or two on social media. Usually, in the conversation or topic of relationships. One of my colleagues posted a meme that got my energy and my juices flowing in such a way that I realized that rather than respond, I wanted to bring the energy and start a dialogue here with you all. I’m going to share with you the meme that he posted.
It was a conversation between a young lady and a young gentleman. It’s mid-conversation and the lady is saying to the gentlemen, “In order to be with me, you need to have goals, money and a house.” Paraphrasing a little bit, the gentleman responds and says, “What are you bringing?” “What do you bring to the table?” She said, “Me,” and he walked away laughing and that was the end of the meeting. There was a little dialogue around that.
I remember my first thought and it’s going to spur some conversation probably, I said, “I see somebody’s children are not getting raised a lot in the old school.” I put the responsibility on parents and the previous generation in terms of making sure that our sons and daughters are getting some fundamental understandings. That when they enter into the world as adults, they have some basic knowledge about things in the way that they are prepared for the next phase of their life.
I wanted to talk about the divine design of a woman, the basics. Throughout the whole life of this show, we’re going to be tackling the divine design and inherent design between man and woman and how those things show up in the dance and relationships. In this episode, we’re going to tackle this one specifically because there are some basics here that I see in all of my relationship conversations and all the gurus and experts I see. There’s something that I realized is not being talked about explicitly that needs to be addressed.
We’re going to talk about 1 or 2 of those basics. They need to be tackled head-on in our discussion in part because out of this arises some of the dynamics that you see in leading and following a man and woman in the dance. If you don’t understand some of that backdrop in terms of the divine design then some of those things that show up will not make sense. In talking about the divine design of a woman, I want to talk about it less from a cultural standpoint even though we will talk about that and more from a biological, imperative standpoint.
The divine design of a woman that exists regardless of what’s going on in culture, society and regardless of what is trending is that the woman has the inherent within her the ability to ensure the perpetuation of life itself. Without the woman, there is no continuation of life. There is no continuation specifically in terms of the man or the woman, of your lineage. There’s no continuation of legacy. There’s absolutely no continuation of life itself.The woman is an equal contributor of genetic material to the creation of a child. Click To Tweet
That is important in terms of understanding roles, values and importance. I know that there is this dialogue that we’re going to tackle. I’m going to address a couple of misconceptions. We’re going to get into some of the divine design elements and what that means in terms of how we can expect a young lady and a young man to approach their interactions with the opposite sex or gender. Some of this is delicate, more for adult ears but I want to talk about these issues delicately but sometimes I have to be frank and real about some things.
Both Man And Woman Provides The Seed
In the space of intimacy, one of the misconceptions I’m going to break down immediately before I even get into the divine design is something that you hear about in religious circles. I hear a lot of male leaders talk about this when they’re coaching young men. They talk about this idea that the man provides the seed and the woman is the soil and incubator of life. I want to clarify and break that down before we even get into the bulk of this discussion because that is an incorrect statement.
By making it such an incorrect statement, it sets the stage for a lot of misconceptions and misunderstandings as it relates to the contribution of man and woman to a relationship, a family and the creation of life. The man is not the seed and the woman the soil and the incubator. Going back to our basic biology, the sperm from the man must join and unite with the egg of the woman once those two things join together then from that the seed is created.
The woman then provides the space of incubation and nourishment for the child after the creation of the seed. Both the man and the woman are involved in contributing the genetic material that creates the seed that is the child. There is no man that is depositing seed into a woman and she’s the soil. That is a misconception that creates a lot of misunderstandings because what it does is it creates this idea that the gentleman is providing all of the genetic material that is required to create the child. The woman is just a carrier of it as opposed to that the woman is an equal contributor of genetic material to the creation of a child. Both of them equal and exactly half and half on the baby because half of the chromosomes are coming from the man and half coming from the woman. They join together, they create the seed and then the seed implants itself in the womb.
I know I’m getting into Biology 101. I’m assuming that most adults that are reading this conversation understand that but the assumptions that come in casually making that statement have severe repercussions in terms of the way that men see that process. Therefore, how they approach women who they’re asking to participate in that process. I wanted to clarify that. Both the man and the woman are contributing to creating the seed. The woman then is tasked with incubating and nourishing that seed with the resources from her body to assist that seed into growing to a human being. That seed is drawing resources from her physical human body to make itself into another human being.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can tackle into another level or a different understanding of the divine design of the woman and how that comes into play in terms of this meme that has the potential to set me off in terms of misunderstanding. Once again, I’m about creating harmony and synergy and not perpetuating misunderstandings that create a lack of understanding and a lack of respect for roles, contributions and the value of a person’s roles.
The Woman’s Body Is Wired To Create A Child
This is where it gets delicate because few people talk about this explicitly but I will talk about it explicitly. I want to make something clear in terms of the divine design of a woman. From the moment a woman reaches puberty to a woman getting to that stage in her life that we refer to as menopause, a woman’s body is preparing to create a child. Preparing to make her a mother and therefore preparing to create a family.
Every single month, month in month out, year in year out, regardless of what we do culturally or medically to manipulate that process, a young woman’s body every single month is going through the process, in terms of our reproductive system and endocrine system, to prepare to make her a mother. To prepare for the conceiving of a child and the nurturing of a child to prepare. Therefore, to prepare informally or formally to create a family, without fail.
Regardless of what we do to manipulate that in terms of birth control and other mechanisms, her body biologically is attempting to do that. She cannot run away from that because her body, her hormonal system is involved in that process every single month. That is by nature. That is by design. That is a biological imperative and inherent within her. Why is this important? It’s important to understand this because as long as a woman is being a young woman, being abstinent or celibate, this process is not something that is at the forefront in terms of addressing others because she’s not sexually engaged. She’s not considering sexual engagement. She’s not considering engaging in an intimate way that might result in a child, that might result in making her a mother, that might result in the creation of a family.
However, the moment that a young woman starts to consider the intimate or sexual advances, engagement, overtures that a young man is making then something else comes into play. Because even with the best of birth control methods, techniques and things like that, the possibility that she could become a mother and therefore give birth to a child and create a family is real. It becomes real even with the best of family planning techniques. That is a reality.You have to be conscious of who you let in your house before you let them in your house. Click To Tweet
A Woman’s Perspective When Engaging With A Man
Because that is coming into play and on top of that, every single month her body is setting the stage for that then a woman has a completely different perspective when it comes to engaging with a gentleman. Not only allowing him into her space but allowing him into her space in a way that it might allow for him to have access to her in a more intimate fashion. By engaging him and allowing him into her space, it sets the stage for him to have greater access to her intimately. These are things that she needs to take into account upfront.
You have to be conscious of who you let in your house before you let them in your house because once you let them in your house, there’s a whole other dynamic at play. It becomes hard to get them out of your house when you let them in your house. That’s why we have a peephole. That’s why you look at the peephole and you ask a whole bunch of questions before you open that door. Even if you open the door, you may leave the chain on the door so you can get a greater assessment of the situation.
After you ask your questions, look through the peephole and look at the door with the chains still on then you may decide to take off the chain, unlock the door and allow the person in. Why do I give that analogy? In essence, that is what is going on. From day one, if she starts to entertain a gentlemen’s intimate, sexual advances or overtures and she has the possibility from that exchange to potentially having a child, become a mother and create a family. It is important that from day one, from the outset, while she is in a clear unengaged unemotional state, not in a state of interaction, that she ask some basic questions right out of the gate.
Making some initial assessments on whether or not she’s going to allow someone to have any access to her, much less access to her that could result in an intimate encounter. A woman, like a man, is aware of their endocrine system’s response to a person of the opposite sex. There’s this whole thing about pheromones, hormones and things like that. We talked about raging hormones. The physical body does respond to another person in a way that lets you know, “This is activating my reproductive system. I need to get some things clear before my reproductive system, my hormones and pheromones take over.”
Because of that, she needs to be able to ask those questions up front out of the gate. Why is this important? In this meme, she’s asking this gentleman that she is considering engaging with, if he has the fundamental things and resources in place that would be needed if by chance she became with his child and was becoming a mother and potentially a family. There is nothing wrong with that. I know a lot of dating coaches and relationship coaches tell people that you shouldn’t ask those questions at the gate.
Go with the flow. Have a good time. Every relationship conversation shouldn’t start out talking about marriage. You should just have fun. As things get more serious then start to tackle those conversations. I disagree. A woman’s nature to want to ask those questions upfront aligns with her nature. It is natural. It is biological. Because it is a process that she is going through every month then it’s not unreasonable. If a gentleman is hinting at the fact that he is interested in her sexually, that her first response would be, “Wait a minute. You’re coming over here and you could become a daddy. I’m not trying to be a baby mama. I’m not trying to have baby daddies. I need to know if you got some basics in place before I even consider your conversation, before I get all involved and all entrenched in this interaction with you.”
Let’s tackle this whole idea of what do you bring to the table when she said me. She said me, taking that out of context because she understands. A young woman understands all that is involved in becoming intimately involved with a young man in some way, shape, form or fashion. If for no other reason than the fact that biologically because she’s managing that process, she is aware of how much is involved in managing her monthly cycle. Therefore, she understands at least on some level that there’s a great deal of involvement in managing this process of being pregnant, giving birth to a child and caring for their child.
If any young woman has ever watched another woman, her mother, an auntie or any other woman in her life be pregnant, she’s had an opportunity to see that process play out. She understands all that is involved even though we take it for granted because it’s natural, it doesn’t make it any less miraculous that she is using resources from her physical body to nurture from seed and giving birth to a child. That means that she’s got to be conscious of the nutrition and supplementation that she’s putting in.
She’s got to make sure that her emotional and mental state is healthy. She has to make sure that she is physically moving in such a way that she doesn’t have any fall or that there’s a bump that might endanger the health of the baby or child. She must ensure that she has the proper health care that is necessary to take care of that child. On top of that, a woman is expected oftentimes to still function as if none of the rest of that is going on.
Why A Woman Requires A Man To Have Stability
If she has other children, she’s still expected to care for that child. She may even be nursing so at the same time that she is nourishing the creation of new life, she may be feeding the current life. She may be working. It is extraordinary that people expect women to do all of these things, hats off to them. On top of that, if she’s involved in a relationship with that gentleman, she may be still expected to fulfill his physical, sexual, mental and emotional needs as well. All of these things are at play.
She’s managing all of these things in addition to possibly working and caring for other children as well as herself. All of these things are at play that is an essential part of the process. Her asking, “Do you have goals?” meaning do you have a sense of purpose or stability? Do you know who you are and where you’re going? Do you have money, in other words, do you have resources that if this process results in a child, that you have thought through enough that you could provide provision not only for the child but for the mother who is the primary caretaker of the child?
It’s not just about taking care of the child because the child is drawing resources from the mother. The mother has to have the resources within her physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually to feed or give to the child so that the child remains healthy. This whole idea that you’re not going to care for the child and not care for the mother doesn’t make any sense because the mother’s wellbeing, health and nutrition are critical for the wellbeing and health of the child.
All of these things are coming into play and then the house, meaning would you be able to create a space for this family that you could potentially create? Even if he doesn’t have those things, her asking should be a prompt to him to let him know that these are the things that you need to be thinking about having in place or will be required if you do happen to create a child. Whether or not you’re doing it intentionally or not, the child still requires those things. The mother who is taking care of the child still requires those things.
If you’re going to be bringing those things to her in terms of your sexual advances and overtures, it should not surprise you that should be something that she asked you upfront in order to make a determination whether or not she wants to proceed. It’s also a screening technique. You see this in nature with all types of genus and species of animals where they size up the potential fathers of that particular kingdom to determine whether or not they want to mate with them. Is this the strongest mate that I want to have to create children? In nature, the female species sizes up the male species to determine whether or not that mating makes sense. That’s a part of the process.
Children need to be cared for from birth into the early adulthood stage. This is quite a commitment that the woman is making. The man is making it as well but because the woman is making the commitment with her physical body. Her contribution to this process of being physically intimate and managing the process of potentially becoming with child and therefore mother and creating a family is a part of her divine design and her biology. If she continues to engage with the gentlemen then the process of meeting the physical, mental, emotional and sexual needs of the gentlemen is a part of the process. All of that absent any financial contributions and things like that is involved in and of itself.
Culturally and societally, there have been a lot of shifts and there are things that have changed but the fundamental thing that’s going on biologically has not changed. Even though we have the societal and cultural things that are more popular or more common, the undercurrent of those other elements is still there. You see a bit of a tug of war even in the engagement between a man and a woman. The reason that in the dating circle they say, “Don’t do that,” is because it’s more natural for the woman to ask that.
In previous cultural iterations, the gentleman would be asked that by the father or a male from the family when he first came over to the house. Back in the old school days, before we got to the current cultural dynamic, this process of questioning the young man, asking him what he brings to the table, what his intentions are and what he has in place is a part of culture embedded in it. Except it used to happen through the father or the male guardian of the family.
Back in the day, the gentleman would come over and visit the young lady in some way, shape, form or fashion. A lot of the times, young ladies were not allowed to be left unchaperoned. When a gentleman expressed interest in a young lady, the father or some other male figure of the family would immediately address that young man and say, “What are your intentions?” They would also determine whether or not they had the resources to be able to support the young lady.
There are all these things around bride price and dowry but gentlemen would also look at that too. If the gentleman was not an upstanding gentleman within culture and society, he was not able to provide for the woman and the child, all these things will come into play. This will be a conversation that men would have. Gentlemen understood that those questions would be asked of them from the outset. There were no bones about it. Gentlemen didn’t act shocked if they came or expressed an interest or desire to see a young lady that her father, uncle, grandfather, brother or some male figure from her family would approach him and say, “What are your intentions with my daughter? What are your intentions with my sister?” Have that conversation up front.
Because we’re not in a culture where gentlemen are having those conversations as much or young ladies are spending time outside of the home as adults on their own before that. Now you see young lady’s asking that question and also being chastised, if you will, for doing that process that normally their father, uncle or brother would do in terms of engaging that. As I say people being raised because we’re in a culture where people aren’t having those conversations with their sons and daughters, we’re seeing it play out in this way where a young man who is being asked basic questions about his ability to be responsible for himself as well as be responsible for the consequences of his sexual activity, that is considered meme-worthy.
We’ve got some work to do. That whole process of a woman screening a gentleman before she allows him to have access to her, to get close to her, to be within her intimate space. If you realize and understand that access that she is providing him whether it be sexual, emotional, mental or spiritual, that there’s a screening process that is appropriate for her to undergo before she allows him in. That will also help you to understand some of the dynamics of trust and connection that occur in the early stages of that dance interaction.
In tango, when a gentleman is seeking to be in close physical proximity to a woman, a woman still engages naturally and almost second nature in that process to screen them. Regardless of whether it’s sexual or not, there is an intimacy that is thereby allowing a gentleman to get that physically close to you and give him access to physically even if not sexually. That proximity is going to activate and engage that process of her that’s going to start that screening process.
That process of questions that she will ask in terms of her safety and her wellbeing, her understanding that it’s an intimate encounter by nature of proximity and that she should do some screening on the front end before she permits him to get progressively closer to her. If you understand that about her divine design and what it activates with her then you will understand some natural things that will occur when a young lady engages.
For my young ladies that are reading, you shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed that is your natural inclination. It is, in part, inspired by your biology. If you’re going to put your physical bosoms on a man’s chest and dance with them chest to chest and let him have his arms around you and can smell the scent of your hair and skin and touch you, that would be the beginning of an intimate encounter. You should not feel some kind of way when your natural inclination is to want to size him up and assess him before you get that engaged, connected and close to him.
The fact that you have that inclination, that impulse, that desire, second nature to do that, to ask questions, to want to know the answers should not bother you. It’s natural. You should continue to do it because you have a lot at stake. Once you start to engage with a gentleman sexually, once you begin to engage with him in a way that you could potentially create a family with him, that’s a process that technically can’t be reversed.The woman has the inherent ability within her to ensure the perpetuation of life itself. Click To Tweet
If he changes his mind later or you change your mind later, once the children are here, that’s a different dynamic that you can’t come back out of. Even if you two never considered continuing in a relationship, you will forever be connected spiritually and physically by the fact that you are nurturing his bloodline even if he leaves. This is real talk because this is the nature of relationships that we don’t sometimes see that day and that needs to be addressed.
Some of that can be addressed and would be addressed in the dynamic that is addressed by this meme. I wanted to tackle that gentleman who was raised well, it’s real talk. I understand that when they’re asking a lady to entertain his advances, he understands that there’s this other piece. That there’s this potential of him becoming a father. If a gentleman is making sexual advances to a young woman and has no awareness that one of the consequences of that engagement is that he could become a father then there is some additional training and maturation that needs to go on his side. We need to address that in a whole other conversation.
We’ve talked a lot about the biological imperative as it comes to the divine design of a woman and the basics. I want to underscore that. She’s a woman from day one of puberty to the last day, which is menopause. Her body is preparing to have children. Her body is preparing to make her mother. Her body is preparing to have a family. The fact that women are relationship-oriented, the fact that women are asking for commitment upfront, the fact that women are asking for commitment quickly when they are asked to consider a man’s intimate or sexual advances is natural. It’s appropriate. It’s a sign of a mature woman because that is a reality from her right out of the gate. It’s not unnatural. It’s not that women are chomping at the bit to try to get a man to commit and all that stuff. What she’s doing is she is aware of something that perhaps the gentleman might not have been trained or taught to be aware of. That’s a reality that they both need to address on the front end before they engage further.
There is a mental, emotional and spiritual piece of a woman’s divine design, her ability to multiply, nourish and nurture not only physical babies but also her partner, the gentleman that she chooses to partner with long-term. She does have the ability to multiply, nourish and nurture his ideas, his goals and the things that he’s attempted to make manifest in the world. We’ve talked a little bit about that in terms of the anatomy of a woman, the leader and follower but that’s a discussion for another day.
I just wanted to address that with you specifically around the divine design. It’s the Basic 101, Woman 101, the Fundamental 101 of what it means to be a woman and how that comes into play not only in her interactions with gentlemen. Also, to begin to understand some of the inherent natural second nature things that you will see show up in terms of how a woman engages in spite of what might be going on culturally or in societies. We have been talking about the divine design of a woman here on the show. As we say here on the show, it not only takes two to tango but absolutely it takes you to tango.